My sheets look like a crime scene.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
