God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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