whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have to summon your inner elephant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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