She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sarcasm needs its own font
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
