I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
