batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
