they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
