Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize