If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
