ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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