That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
