Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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