In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
