bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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