i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
