so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
