I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
