you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
