i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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