Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
