Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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