he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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