laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
