I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
