Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
