There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
