Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I could fuck to npr.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
