so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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