she woke up with a sticky ear
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
