So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
