So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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