Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
