Banned from zoo.
Again?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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