yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
