My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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