You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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