her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
