the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
