i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
