Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
