What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
one might say we're banned from that church
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
