Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
3 2 1 whiskey
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
