dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
