We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
