Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
