I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
