If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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