I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
