margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We left an ass print on the piano.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
