He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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