Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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