I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
