According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
