her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
