Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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