So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
