At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
