New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
