My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
