I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
