quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
