his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
