we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
