Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
