good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
