she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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