Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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