I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Me too!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
