Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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