My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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