life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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