You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
