you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
