White coat. Heels.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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