He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize