Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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