my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
