Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
