can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why do cheetos always look like penises
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
