Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
