sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
