the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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