I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
