so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
