i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
