My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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