Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
