Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
