he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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