I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
