just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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