i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
