Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
