You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
