Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
