i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
