there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
