who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
