So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Holy shit dude........stairs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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