So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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