tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
