For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
