Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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