So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
