You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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