Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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