I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
