Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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