Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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