You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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