eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
