literally had 100 drinks last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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