My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
