Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
