I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
