Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
