i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize