Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
