why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
