Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
