Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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