You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
