i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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