allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
