Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
