Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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